dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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