Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
