garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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