I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
