So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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