I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
