i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
