She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ttyl tear gas
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
