This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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