if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
