Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
