explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
