I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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