I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
