Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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