it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
