WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize