I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
