I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
