Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
