Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
