Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
why is half of my head shaved?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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