Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
