Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
