you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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