morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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