We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
