So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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