An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
