I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
