honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
