I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
