Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
