What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
