You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
