I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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