How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize