Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
