Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize