Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pants are for mortals
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
