And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vagina is officially offended.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
