Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
