paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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