Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
