Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
