im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
