Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
jump out the window naked night went bad
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
