There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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