I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
