I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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