life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
