if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
