I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
