we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
