Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
