i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
