I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I AM VODKA MAN
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
