Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
