I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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