If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
