I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
