@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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