this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
