You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
