So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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