I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's just like the Real World with babies
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
