Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
