I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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