can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think your dad took our porno
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
