You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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