i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
