that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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