the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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