Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
