pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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