it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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