I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
