There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize