end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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