dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
