i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
