The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
