Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize