ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
