both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
