Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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