May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
