I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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