so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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